


Wrong Side of the Railing

by DeusLux



Series: WOW Short Reads [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Awareness Raising, Depression, Inspired by Photography, Original Character(s), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, angel - Freeform, hopeful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 18:51:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3082718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeusLux/pseuds/DeusLux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a young man finds himself on the wrong side of the railing, it is the hand of a stranger who saves him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wrong Side of the Railing

**Author's Note:**

> [This is the image that inspired this piece. It had a good end thankfully.](http://l1.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/1DSpcxcXxMewDjWpDY9B9w--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7cT04NTt3PTYzMA--/http://media.zenfs.com/en/blogs/thelookout/BriggsandBerthia2.jpg)

 David Torns glanced back at the water. It was rough today with the spring rains, croppy and loud and off putting. It was like the water itself was saying ‘don’t do it Davey, it’s not the right choice David’. In it he heard his mother and dead father. He heard both his grandfathers and grandmother. He heard his sister and two brothers, his friends, his now ex-girlfriend. He heard all the people who didn’t understand.

 He couldn’t keep going. He couldn’t keep living with this feeling of a growing void in his chest. In his heart. He couldn’t live knowing he was never going to be good enough for his family, his friends, for the girl he loved. He couldn’t give her the family she wanted, he had not business raising a child when he couldn’t even see any point for the future.

 That’s why he asked to break up with Ashlyn last night. Why he had gotten up before everyone else whilst it was quiet and absent of people on the bridge, gotten dressed and left. It’s why he didn’t leave a note or any notice of what he intended. It’s why he climbed over the railing of the bridge and was now balanced on the bar above the water.

 He didn’t look at the water, instead he focused his gaze on the road. The gravel was dry despite the rain recently. The air was still chilly with the early morning and there was no breeze. The sky was overcast and it was quiet. Just the roar of the river.

 David took in a deep breath. He was going to do it. He was going to do it. He was going to do it. He was-

 “It’s a nice morning, isn’t it?”

 He looked up in disbelief. There was a young girl leaning on the railings of the bridge. She was about fifteen, sixteen maybe. Her long brown hair was flowing over her shoulders and her orange eyes glinted as she looked over the river. Her dark clothes didn’t match her bright face. She almost seemed to glow.

 Her gaze wasn’t on him but on the far distant where he knew the river cut around a bend there the trees were bright with pink and white and green.

 “What?” Davey sputtered.

 After a pause she repeated “It’s a nice morning, isn’t it?”

 He couldn’t believe her. Here he was standing on the wrong side of the railing, attempting to jump off a bridge and she was trying to strike up a conversation.

 “I guess it depends on what side of the railing you’re on, love.”

 She chuckled at that. It was a happy, uplifting sound. He felt a pang of memory, of how he used to do that a lot, make people laugh at his jokes. She turned to look at him, and there was something so deep in her eyes. A wise peacefulness behind though bright orange eyes. Her smile wasn’t one of pity or disgust. It was one of sad hope, as if she had seen this too many times.

 “I guess that it true. So tell me Davey, what are you really doing here?”

 “How do you know my name?”

 “You’ve lived here all your life, right? How could I not know your name?” her tone carried that sad hopefulness.

 “Ai, I’ve never seen you before though!”

 She laughs lightly again “No, but I’ve been here quite a while now. You won’t know me.”

 His patience was wearing thin now “Look miss, I don’t have a clue who you are, but if you are trying to talk me out of this like some good Samaritan, forget about it okay! I’ve had enough, enough of this, of everything, of life! Go away!”

 “I know.”

 “What do you know?! What do you know?! Have you ever been like this?! Have you ever felt this?! No! Fuck off!” he shouted.

 “I do.”

 “What?”

 “I do know what it’s like. What you’re feeling, I felt it once before.”

 He couldn’t believe this girl, how dare she! How dare she! How dare she try to convince him that she understood and that she could make everything better! What did she know?! He was alone. It was better that way. He was better off alone because he wasn’t worth being around anyone. There was no point anymore. There was no future for him. No point in living.

 “You’re young. You’ve got your whole life to look forward to. Probably have loads of friends and a family that loves you. What would you know about this?”

 “You have all that too you know.”

 He flinches at that. She was right. He did have loved ones back home. They were better off without them. He wonder, though, if they would morn for him. Would they be angry at him for taking his own life? Would they hate him for it? He hoped not. He hoped they forgave him.

 “Just because I’m young doesn’t mean I haven’t felt depression. Growing up is hard. It’s hard and no one understands. Sometimes things happen to us that we cannot help or prevent and they trigger something that all of us have which poisons us.”

 He bowed his head. She was right. Goodness knows, growing up will never be easy. You’re hormones all over the place, fitting in, deciding what you want to do with your life, making and loosing friends. It was hard.

 He looked down at the rough skin of his dark hands. How many fights had he gotten into? How many trees did he climb? How long had he driven the car? How long had he worked at school and in the library? Had it all been worth it?

 “There’s no way to describe it, is there?” she continued “No perfect way to say what it is. I think of it like ink dripping into water, black ink. It starts off a few harmless drops but if it’s left, it will spread downwards. You try to swipe it away and it spreads more. And every little comment, every little event and every little hurtful person adds more droplets. You try to get rid of it, try to remove it, to pretend that everything is fine and that it’s all okay and you spread it more.

 “The worst part about it is that you can sometimes see through the ink. And you think about how you can do it, you can overcome this and that you can get better and you can do this, but then it disappears and you are back to where you started or worse. Eventually that clear water you once had is gone, consumed by black ink that eats everything until you cannot see anything else. Like a void. That’s how I see it. Does that sound like what you’re feeling?”

 It did. Scarily so. He felt tears fall down his cheeks.

 “Why are you doing this?” he sobbed.

 She waited until he choked out a couple more sobs before she look back to the horizon again “Because everyone is worth something. Nothing is so small that it doesn’t count as something. Everyone is loved by someone. We don’t know the future, you don’t know what you’ll do, who’ll you’ll inspire, what you can save. Who knows what you might do? Isn’t that worth finding out? Isn’t that worth fighting for?”

 “I’m tired of fighting though. I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m tired of fighting and pretending and hoping. I’m done. All my fight is gone. I don’t believe in myself anymore.”

 She leaned over and he could feel her hair brush against his shaven head “Then don’t. But do this, believe in the you that others you love believe in. That version is not perfect by any means, but you are the light that others love and need. Believe in what they see. It is the side of all of us have when we are filled with love. Fight for that, because you don’t have to fight alone. Talk to someone, get tablets, get help. You don’t have to do this alone, no one ever said you had to. You are important David, more than you realise. You are loved and wanted and care for and you deserve to live if that is the choice you make.”

 David just sobs harder. Suddenly she didn’t sound like the girl he had been talking to minutes ago, she sounded like his mother. His girlfriend, Ashlyn. His sister Lucy and his grandmother, Adeline. She was also his father, his two brothers George and Harold, his mates, his grandfather Frank and Mike. She was everyone he loved and cared about. The little fragments of light and hope in his life. Something worth fighting for.

 He was a fully grown man in his early thirties, sobbing whilst balanced on the wrong side of the railing and he was sobbing and crying and hiccupping and there was a teenager standing on the other side of the railing shushing him and gently stroking his head.

 “I don’t want to die! I don’t want them to feel this, don’t let them feel this!” he shouted, looking up at her again. The sky was clearing above them, light streaming through the clouds. It looked beautiful.

 “That’s up to you. Do you want to do this?”

 He shook his head.

 “Do you want to live?”

 He nodded, shivers racking his body. Her hand appeared beside him. He took a shaky but firm grip of it. It was warm. Suddenly he was scared, where he hadn’t been before. His nose ran and wiped it quickly before taking hold of the railings again and pulling himself up and over.

 Once he was over, David had to take a hold of his knees to stop himself from collapsing. Tears dripped off his cheeks. He cried and cried and when he looked up, the girl was walking away.

 “I can’t promise that it will ever truly go away, but I can promise you that you are stronger than you think. Make it home safely.” She called back.

 The sun broke through the clouds on the other side of the path. The trees still looked largely bare with just speckle of green and pink. He watched her walk away until she reached the end of the bridge. The light hit the ground there, where gravel met concrete, and as she stepped into the light bathe her head.

 Suddenly the cap of her hair shone, glowed, brightly. The golden light danced around her skull almost as if the light was surrounding a disk. Like a halo. He turned, that last glimpse of her burned into his brain. The girl who saved his life. In more ways than one.


End file.
